Hrumph!

The Sunday Age

Sunday April 5, 1998

John Schauble

IT USED to be that bumper stickers were clever things that people stuck on their cars for a bit of fun or perhaps because they themselves had nothing better to say than the thought captured in some glib one-liner penned by a copy writer somewhere in California. You remember the ones: "Honk if you love Jesus" was very popular with the Christian set in the '70s. (It was later surpassed by the much more interesting "Honk if you ARE Jesus"). Or what about: "If you can read this, you're too close". Ho ho, ho. Very droll.

But that was then and not now, when it seems the object of most such automotive decoration is to be as offensive as possible to the poor motorist unfortunate enough to pull in behind you on the highway.

In some cases the meaning of these more recent messages - which have long since escaped the bumper and now inhabit the back window, the front window and any other available space - is singularly obscure.

There are many driving around with the words "No Fear" in big letters on their vehicles. I thought at first this referred to a state of mind, in which case "Not Dead Yet" might be more appropriate. But it may also be a brand advertising slogan, I'm led to believe.

Then there are those who think that having "Get in, sit down, hang on and shut up" blazoned across the rear of their car is somehow terribly witty. If someone can explain the humor of this, do tell.

There are also variations of this theme in which the message is written as a single word spelling out some offensive message, usually with a swear word incorporated. Gee, that's clever.

This week I encountered the following: "Don't like my driving? Call 1800-EAT-S..." (This is a family newspaper, so I haven't spelled out the obvious.) The car was also bearing "P" plates. The "P" in this case presumably stood for "puerile".